Written By: Sophie Warwick.
Through our consulting at The Thoughtful Co., we have the privilege to have important discussions about equity in the workplace with folks at all points in their Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) journeys. Sometimes we have conversations with people who are very early in their journey, and that are potential even actively resistant to EDI efforts.
The assumption is often that these are negative conversations. Of course, they have the potential to be so, but we find that it’s often not the case especially when approached with curiosity. In my opinion, the greatest risk to a lack of progression in inclusivity is a lack of conversation. If individuals feel too afraid to share because they feel their opinion will be rejected by the group, they are more likely to stay silent and continue to hold their views. This does not lead to positive improvement.
Instead, providing a safe space for folks at all points in their EDI journey to share their honest concerns with these initiatives, in a discussion facilitated with a collaborative and open approach, can lead to impactful growth. Even for teams or individuals who are initially highly opposed to the concept. I want to note that this of course excludes any comments that are overtly discriminatory and oppressive in nature which need to be addressed directly.
Keep reading for our top strategies on how to constructively discuss general fears and concerns with EDI.
My main strategy? Curiosity. For example, I may find myself facilitating a group discussion with leaders of a company in an effort to validate the need to invest in EDI. There are often a few folks who are actively engaged in these efforts already, both internally and externally. There are also folks who are having this conversation for the first time, and many who fall in the middle.
I sometimes hear comments like, “maybe women are less qualified as leaders,” or, “maybe women don’t want to work in this industry.” It often isn’t the intent, but this can be a very hurtful comment, especially for women leaders who are in the room. I personally found these types of comments very upsetting when I was a practicing engineer.
What I’ve learned is that for EDI conversations or any other emotionally charged conversation in our professional or personal lives, very few people respond well to confrontation or aggression. Even if someone is in the wrong, they are likely to respond with defensiveness and reduce the opportunity for productive learning when they feel attacked. Once we start feeling activated emotionally and put our defenses up, we are often very reluctant to hearing other ideas. For example, think about coming home tired from work and your partner or roommate saying, “you never clean up your dishes!” Do you typically respond with, “that is such a great point, thank you so much for bringing this to my attention”?
Take the time to share your perspective and hear theirs. When I find myself in this situation, I love to share that I’ve seen many examples of successful women. I then give them an opportunity to share their own perspective encouraging reflection and the sharing of specific situations. For example, “I want to make sure we’re building a strong leadership team where we’re all aligned. We of course want to be mindful of any policies we introduce that could disrupt this. Can you tell us more about times that you’ve observed situations where you felt women were less qualified for the roles they received in this organization?”
When following this approach, I’m yet to hear someone share a specific example they’ve witnessed. Typically, the response is, “I haven’t observed this, but I’m afraid it will happen, or be perceived this way.” Providing the space for self-reflection can often give the individual the opportunity to identify whether they are having a fear-based reaction to something, or that they have a genuine concern based on observed evidence. If you’re looking for more support on continuing the discussion, check out our article Cultivating EDI Conversations for strategies to move the team forward together.
Curiosity can be a powerful tool to help turn activating comments into productive solutions. If you ever feel highly emotional after hearing the comment, it’s always okay to give yourself space to digest and return when you’re ready to discuss. This can be achieved with a simple, “Thank you for sharing your perspective. I do want to spend some time discussing that, but don’t have the time at the moment. Can we table for now and reconnect tomorrow?”
For more support in having constructive conversations at work with your team, you can email us at contact@thethoughtfulco.net or schedule a free introductory call here.
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